For those on my f-list who don't know them, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are
Title: Gratuitous Kitten Pin-ups
Fandom: CW RPS AU
Warning: Brief mention of cock
Word count: 1645
A/N: This was inspired by this post about marines in Afghanistan rescuing kittens and is mostly me trying to get a feel for these boys. I am so not to blame for the schmoop. The lovely art was created for me by stormbrite for the Spring 2016 round of quicky_bang because I am very lucky that way. :)
Summary: Jared somehow manages to be a complete smoosh even while on tour. Jensen doesn't really mind.
"Oh my god," Danneel said as soon as Jensen picked up the phone. "I want your boyfriend."
"Um," said Jensen muzzily. "No?" He glanced towards the clock and groaned. "Jesus, Danni, the fuck are you calling so early for?"
Danneel's sigh echoed over the phone line. "It's half past eleven, Jensen."
"On a Sunday."
Daneel snorted at him. "Oh, I'm sorry, princess, did I interrupt your beauty sleep? Need another hour with your mudpack?"
"Fuck you, Harris. Seriously, go away."
"Fine," Danneel said, smug enough that Jensen knew he'd already lost this battle. "I was going to tell you that the Internet's talking about your darling Jared, but I guess if you'd rather go back to bed I can..."
"What?" Jensen jerked upright, wincing at the crack of protesting joints. "Please, don't tell me that idiot's gone and got himself shot."
"God, no!" Danneel's response was sharp and immediate and Jensen let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. "Jesus, Jensen, you think I'd be tormenting you if Jared had been hurt?"
Jensen sighed, leaning back against the wall. "Depends. You trying to keep me from panicking?"
Danneel chuckled, the sound a little grimmer than usual. This hadn't been easy for any of them. "Like I'd lead in with insults - all I'd have to do was tell you Jared was ending his tour early and you'd be throwing a fucking party."
"Oh, shut up," Jensen grumbled, trying to ignore the fact that she was right. It wasn't something he liked to think about. He scrubbed a hand through his sleep-flattened hair. "What about Chad then? That'd be worth waking up for."
"No Jensen." Danneel's voice was desert dry. "Chad hasn't been shot either."
"You're crushing all my dreams over here, Danni."
"Suck it up, sunshine. Are you on your computer yet?"
"One sec." Jensen hauled his laptop onto the bed, kicking it out of hibernation and tucking the phone between ear and shoulder. "Alright, I'm set. What am I looking for?"
"I emailed you the link." Danneel was back to sounding smug and Jensen was starting to get curious despite himself. "You might wanna make sure you're sitting down for this - the picture's pretty... intense."
Jensen rolled his eyes, tabbing into his email. "You know, if he hasn't lost any limbs, I really don't see what could possibly be so..." Jensen clicked the link. "You can't be serious."
It was Jared. Wearing his full uniform and a smile brighter than the sun. And absolutely covered in kittens.
Jensen melted. And was promptly very embarrassed with himself.
"Jensen?" Danneel's voice asked, tinny and distant beneath the blood rushing in Jensen's ears. "You still alive over there?"
"Oh, fuck me," he managed faintly, eyes tracing Jared's mile wide grin, the sheer delight dancing in dark eyes as two kittens leaned in for a petting from a strong, capable hand and another wobbled precariously on his shoulder. There was a fourth kitten peeking out of the pocket of his heavy jacket and two more twining around his ankles. The desert sun shone threads of gold through Jared's chaotic mop of hair, perfectly complimenting the rich, tanned bronze of his skin.
"I thought you'd like it," Danneel said, sounding terribly amused. Which just wouldn't do.
Jensen wrenched his eyes away from the screen, found his manhood somewhere around his ankles and hauled it back up to where it belonged.
"Where the hell did he find a pet store in Afghanistan?" he demanded, staring at anything but the computer. "Isn't he supposed to be busy peace keeping?"
"According to the article, which you can read yourself once you finish drooling, they were abandoned and he found them while he was on patrol. And because he is both a bleeding heart and a master of the puppy eyes, he then managed to convince his CO to let him keep them." Danneel had gone right past smug and straight into obnoxious. Jensen really wished he could take umbrage with that. "Looks like his fondness for taking in strays isn't limited to you and those massive dogs of his, after all."
"Fuck off," Jensen said automatically, attention straying back to the photo despite his best intentions. Jared's smile knocked the breath out of him for the second time in as many minutes. Fuck, but he missed the idiot. "Jesus Danni, this photo is so cute it's bordering on obscene."
Danneel laughed. "I know, right? He's gonna be getting fan mail from like, every girl on the planet."
"They can't have him," Jensen said absently, attention caught on the stretch of Jared's uniform across his broad shoulders. "I already called dibs."
"You do realize that you're not five any more, right? Playground rules don't apply when you're an adult."
"Lies." Jensen leaned back and scrubbed the heel of one hand across his face. "Was there anything else you needed, Danni? Cause if you're not off the phone in 30 seconds you're gonna get to listen to me jerking off over my absentee boyfriend."
He could hear Danneel grin. "I should have figured you had a schmoop kink. You want I should record you and send it to him? Remind him he's taken?"
"Goodbye, Danni," Jensen said firmly, and hung up with the sound of her laughter echoing in his ear.
He considered the photo for a few moments longer, then tabbed back to his inbox and started a new email.
Sadie and Harley are gonna be jealous, he wrote. You want I should break it to them easy?
He attached the link and sent it off to Jared without bothering to add his name. It'd probably be at least a few days before he got anything back, but, after seven months of this, Jensen was more than used to the lag by now. Which didn't make it suck any less, but Jensen would take what he could get.
Email sent, Jensen shoved his laptop aside and slid a hand into his boxers, curling it around his erection with a shaky groan. Because really, if Jared couldn't be here to take of it for him, he could at least live with being objectified.
A week (and more jerk-off sessions to Jared's cute-porn pinup than Jensen was comfortable admitting to) passed before an email from Jared arrived in Jensen's inbox.
Aw, don't worry baby, the email said, you're still my forever girl.
Jensen rolled his eyes. His boyfriend was an idiot.
I named the kittens Smeckles, Jenny-Bean, Jackles, Padacat, Sasquatch and Bob, Jared continued and Jensen could practically see his gleefully amused grin. They're all super cuddly and nearly as grumpy as you in the mornings. I'm trying to convince the bossman to make them our camp mascots, but he's not so convinced about what message that would convey about the US military (On a related note, what are your feelings about housing illegal immigrants?).
No time to talk now, we're heading out at dawn to blah blah confidential secrets yadda yadda blah. Should be able to set up a video chat in a week or so - I'll let you know. Still haven't been shot yet - 214 days and counting!
Miss you like crazy - J
P.S. Chad says you're welcome for the pic
Jensen gave himself exactly one minute to fall apart like a fifteen year old girl, then swiped at his eyes and clicked on the download link at the bottom of the email.
It was another photo and Jensen grudgingly took back at least half of the unkind things he'd ever said about Chad. Because damn.
It was Jared again, unsurprisingly, flat on his back and stripped down to his sleep shirt and boxers in his tent, completely dead to the world. Which would have been more than enough to make Jensen's day on its own considering how long it'd been since he'd had that sight in his bed, but the six tiny bundles of fur sacked out with him - two curled up against his chest, one tucked under his chin, another in the groove of his hip and one nestled in the crook of each arm - had Jensen fighting the terribly unmanly urge to coo over just how damn sweet his boyfriend looked.
I'm totally putting this one on the wall, he sent back eventually, after several aborted starts that involved variations on the theme of 'I miss you so fucking much you heroic, self-sacrificing bastard'. My big, manly soldier-boy. And I don't see what's wrong with mascot kittens - y'all are a bunch of pussies, after all. (Hate to break it to you, but Harley and Sadie'd probably eat them, man. And we'd need a bigger house).
Keep up the good work not getting shot. I want you in one piece when I get you back.
Always - Jensen
The email departed with a ping and Jensen slumped back into his chair, thinking wistfully of the times when he hadn't needed to communicate with Jared via week-old emails and the occasional web cam chat. 214 days and counting. Fuck his life.
His eyes strayed back to the photo of Jared's kitten harem and he couldn't help a wicked grin as he printed it out in the biggest size he could manage on his crappy printer. It went on the wall right above his desk and he made a mental note to take the file down to the copy centre and see about getting it blown up. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could convince Chad to take a few more for him, or at least give him a better copy of the one from the news article. Jensen had a feeling he was going to be objectifying Jared a lot over the next few months - he might as well have some inspiration for it.
Jesus Christ, he was developing a schmoop kink. This was so Jared's fault.
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Timestamp: Sand, Cats and Other Hazards of Military Deployment