Fandom: CW RPS
Word count: 680
A/N: Day 5 of my August fic challenge. A To the Stars and Back timestamp for dugindeep who requested Jared getting himself in trouble and Jensen playing the eye-rolling rescuer. Also, I may have been reading too much Star Trek fanfic recently.
Also available on AO3.
Summary: Jensen has really got to stop letting Jared go out in public without supervision.
Sometimes, Jensen couldn't help but think that CE5 had made a massive tactical error when it inflicted Jared on the rest of the galaxy.
"You did what?" he demanded.
"In my defense, it could have happened to anyone," Jared said. He didn't sound nearly repentant or worried enough for Jensen's liking.
Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was gone for three hours."
Jared offered him a sheepish shrug. "Oops?"
"This is not an 'oops', you idiot! 'Oops' is locking your keys in your car. 'Oops' is not getting married to the Krylan ambassador!"
"Technically, I'm only engaged," Jared said, and Jensen glared at him.
"That is not better."
"Come on, Jensen, this isn't my fault."
"Well, it sure as hell isn't mine!" Jensen took a deep, steadying breath. "I don't suppose you told them that you're already married?"
"I did, actually. But it appears as though Krylani are both accepting and flexible about romantic shortcomings." Because he was a colossal moron, Jared was grinning as he added, "I think you might be offered my weight in silver to surrender your claim, though."
"There is a collar around your neck," Jensen said, with a pointed glance at the offending strip of metal. "There isn't going to be much of an 'offer' in this transaction."
Jared waved a careless hand. "You know more galactic law than anyone in the solar system. I'm sure you can figure out a way to tell her thanks but no thanks."
"Oh yes," Jensen snapped, clinging onto his self-control by the barest of margins. "Let's talk about galactic law. Like the fact that Krylan marriages can only be annulled by the death of one of the members. Or that a battle to the death is the only way to renege on a marriage proposal in Krylan culture. Are those the galactic laws you're talking about?"
The colour drained from Jared's face. It didn't make Jensen feel better. "I - you, what? You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking."
Jensen gave him a flat look. "Do I look like I'm joking?"
"Shit." Jared ran a hand through his hair, a blatant tell that only came out when he was genuinely rattled. "But you can get me unengaged, right?"
"By killing the Krylan ambassador in single combat? Are you fucking high?"
Jared's eyes went wide and pleading. "But you've got to help me! I don't want to marry someone who's blue!"
"Racist," Jensen said automatically. "And, for your sake, that'd better not be your actual concern here."
"I love you," Jared said promptly, so at least he wasn't a complete idiot.
"Whereas I'm suddenly remembering all the times I've wished someone would be dumb enough to take you off my hands."
Jared pouted. "Now you're just being a dick."
"I think I'm entitled," Jensen shot back. "Jesus fuck, you got engaged."
"Hey." Jared's hand settled on Jensen's shoulder, warm and familiar. "You do know it wasn't my idea, right? She had this collar around my neck before I'd finished figuring out what 'akhroya' meant. You're the only one I want. The only one I've ever wanted."
"I know," Jensen said. It came out more gruffly than he'd intended it to, and Jared smiled fondly.
"I really do love you, you know."
"You're repeating yourself," Jensen said.
"I'll repeat it as many times as I need to," Jared said firmly. "Now, are you going to defend my virtue and keep me from being married against my will or do I have to learn to find blue aliens sexy?"
Jensen growled and grabbed Jared's face to pull him in for a fierce, possessive kiss. "Of course I'm going to fix this," he said against Jared's lips. "You're my husband. No one else's."
"My hero," Jared said, with a beaming grin. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"You'd better," Jensen grumbled. He stole another quick kiss before pivoting on his heel and marching towards the Krylan embassy.
Time to go get his husband unengaged. Preferably without starting an interplanetary incident in the process.
Not unless he had to, anyway.